oblivion
by LaDy-eMpTy
Summary: sometimes people tend to misinterpret someone's feelings. hatred is actually love and love is actually pity. how can someone find the strength to withdraw from the dark and speak up. triangle:sasuxsakuxsai not a threesome! rated M just to be safe :P
1. Chapter 1

Uhm... yeah I dunno where this is going to... I just had this random idea... so yeah that's it.

And uhm yeah before I forget, sorry for the grammatical errors. I typed this using notepad because word is wasting my time and I find it really troublesome to copy and paste and check the spellings and terminology etc.

So forgive my laziness...

I don't own them PERIOD

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Dozens and dozens of trees seems to pass like blurs of green and brown shining as the rain washes over them with its overwhelming intensity.

Just.

A little bit.

More.

Four shadows roamed the forest jumping from tree to tree with great accuracy. Making it all seemed like they're flying.

Almost.

There.

Slowly a familiar village became visible beyond the millions of trees surrounding it; every step makes it clearer and clearer. The symbol of fire drenched in raindrops.

Konoha.

--o

It's been 8 years since everything became what it is now. A lot of things have happened and quite frankly I'd rather be back 8 years ago when my life is far from worse and closer to peace. Back then when I had all the opportunity to turn around and walk away.

Hmm... Yeah 8 long years of pain. Tsk. it's actually too long for someone normal to keep such pain inside of her but hey, I'm not that normal at all. I'm haruno sakura, 20 years old jounin and hunter nin, one of the great genin 12, head medic of konoha hospital and anbu squad captain hunting down s class criminals, one of konoha's perfect weapon, the top apprentice of the legendary slug girl, the one who surpassed the abilities of one of the legendary sannins, specialized in the art of assassination and healing though it sounds very contradicting, and as kakashi sensei and naruto and the mob of guys hunting me down keeps saying, drop dead gorgeous and pleases every eye that sees her and undoubtedly one of the most lovely faces in konoha.

Yep. That's me. Haruno sakura.

err... wait I forgot the most important part, the next uchiha clan member, soon to be married to one of the two remaining members of the said clan and will soon be the bearer of the uchiha heirs. I'm haruno sakura and I'm the great uchiha sasuke's girlfriend.

hn. I know it sounds really unbelievable but it's actually true. I became his girlfriend after he came back from the otougakure ending orochimaru, his sensei, the insane pedophile of the legendary three and his mad quest for eternal life and today is our first year anniversary.

It's already 7:00 pm and right now I'm in front of a full length mirror looking stunningly beautiful and very desirable and yes I'm waiting for him to arrive. we were suppose to meet 6 hours ago to celebrate our anniversary but I guess I'm not enough to keep him entertained that's why he preferred to have that mission exactly 2 hours before the arranged time. I really wanted to protest but I know better than that. If I did protest then he will just have to cancel this whole 'celebration' thing and leave without looking back and I don't want that now do I?

I saw my reflection in the mirror smiling sadly towards who else, me. Even though I'm with uchiha sasuke, every woman's desire, often than not, I still feel pitiful and alone... too sad and pathetic. This relationship was indeed a product of his perfect mind. His selfish mind that only sees for the future of his clan and not for any one else, not even me.

--o

He had casually asked me to help him revive and bring the glory back to his clan the day when he came back. no sweet nothings, no promises of love and devotion not even a white lie just to make me feel all warm and cozy inside but just a straight question which only needed to be answered by a yes or a no. at first I was really shocked and felt really confused, I unconsciously asked him why, why of all people would he choose me to be that person who'll bring the uchiha clan back on top when, when he had always been out there for the past 6 and a half years searching for his insane brother. He had all the time in his own little world to find the best of the best and marry her, then why me? My question was answered with yet another question, why would I have to do that. he asked me that the same way he had proposed if you call it 'proposing', same cold, deep, onyx eyes looking, if I didn't know any better I'd say he was looking right past me as if I don't exist. I was already in the verge of breaking down and accepting him with arms wide open but when I looked up to him the instant happiness had been washed out the moment after it sink in, washed out and had been replaced by chills and instant sadness.

Indeed, 'instants' don't last long.

It disappears even before you had the time to reach out and touch it.

There were no feelings in his obsidian orbs, no loving gaze, no pleadings in his eyes, no hopes, but just an empty stare, a calm and empty stare. Calm, empty, annoying stare.

When the silence stretched out too long for his desire, he had spoken up just above a whisper, so I guess the offer doesn't stand anymore. Maybe it wasn't meant for me to hear it but I did. And I hate my self for being attentive.

That time, I really wanted to turn around and pretend that I didn't heard what he said but my stubborn feet wouldn't move. My thoughts came back to the night he had left to seek power. I had offered him everything, all that he needed to have and a lot more, maybe even more than I could give him back then. I offered him my self and promised to help him in any way that I can. I should've thought about that before giving such an incredible offer. An offer that favors him and totally disregards my rights. But hey, I didn't think that he was actually listening to anything that slips out of my lips that time. Well, I guess sai was right after all, uchiha sasuke is a total asshole and I've been fooled long before I knew it.

I turned around trying to act as if I don't give a shit about that little offer he mentioned but I know that that offer still stands somehow, though it's not really about love or affection anymore unlike before, when I still thought about pointless things such as love, devotion, affection, truth and forgiveness. Before when I thought that pleasing him will eventually make my day and just marrying him will make my life the best among the rest. Such pointless things fill a child's mind but I'm neither a child nor that little girl anymore. I'm a proud woman who is adored and loved by everyone and anyone even the ones I assassinate. They all give respect to this god given gift and even if this gift is the last thing they'll ever see and the smell of cherry blossom will be the last scent they'll ever smell they still keep that adoring glance, bathing their eyes with the angel tainted with their blood. Somehow thinking about it made my heart feel all chubby and pleased. Even if they'd lost their lives in my hands they'd still give me those unwanted appreciations.

An angel, you are one.

hn. Yes I am, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna take away your life. Because now that you've laid eyes on me

You don't have the right to lay your eyes to something or someone else.

Those eyes are mine now and you'll die with your eyes on me.

But this person, this man behind me. Never in my life did I ever saw a little or something close to acknowledgement for me or my existence in his eyes. The only thing I see in them is annoyance and pity towards me. Apathetic look or sometimes, disgusted. But even though I feel totally under-estimated in his presence I still feel that little sense of duty for his well-being. I still feel that somehow I need to accompany him towards his goal, that he needed me to guide him and help him with his dreams. That mission I bestowed upon my self the moment I woke up in that bench without uchiha sasuke trailing behind me, following me back to the village, back home.

Logical thinking had been blocked out, reasons and questions had been stubbornly turned down, all annoyance and hatred and sarcasm deleted, my mind went blank and my body moved on its own and suddenly I found my self looking back and telling him that the offer still stands.

He nodded, slowly turning around and walking past me towards the opposite direction of his house. The road leading to mine. I'll walk you home. He said as he past me giving me a light push forward and I nodded in agreement, walking for the first time in almost 7 years... by his side.

--o

And that made a perfect sense. I said yes in the oddest possible way. But I did so anyway.

Now I know that I suck at decision-making.

Ok there yah go. I'm sorry if the story is a little annoying. I really don't know what came into me. Anyway, if anyone finds this interesting, just drop me a review and I promise to upload a couple of more chapters. Gomen again for the grammatical errors and such. I'm still going to type the upcoming chapters in notepad it's easier to open and yeah, I'm such a lazy bum.

Xiao..!!

akatsuki shi


	2. Chapter 2

Here's another chapter. Hope you're not confused about the story. this chapter is yet another one of sakura's POVs well actually this fic would most likely be in someone's point of view or mainly team 7 and a couple of other personalities... and uhm... short third person view so yeah... hope you still stick around.

Sigh.

Every since that day all I ever do is reminisce and reminisce and reminisce, reminding my self of my idiotic way of thinking. still even now, now that I've made the worst decision of all and I totally miss judged him and that I found my mindless wonderings irksome and it caused me to realize things that I shouldn't, now when I can do the right thing and demand my rights back and gain my passport out of sasuke's life forever... hn. I just stayed and stayed. This somehow gave me the idea that maybe I'm a retard or something. I've felt foolish around him almost all the time but nothing close to I hate you or I've had enough had passed my mind and went out straight thru my mouth. They just stayed as thoughts and what ifs inside my mind trying to find its way out of my lips.

Gosh maybe the way I think is the reason why I've always held my self back. C'mon it's not like I can keep up with his cold treatment for the rest of my life!

If this thing had happened a couple of years ago when my feelings were the same I would've been the happiest girl in town. I could've died in that spot even though he really didn't mean anything he said. I could've discard and totally ignored his blank stare and pretended that he's acting all romantic and stuffs like that but you see, it wasn't even close to that. I suddenly found my self trying to cut the bonds I tried holding on for as long as I can remember. there were times when I tried telling him about the disadvantages of our 'relationship'. I said things that will surely make his mind turn its back to the whole idea of marrying and settling down. I've tried persuading him to go and find the perfect girl or something like that. Not that I find my self unworthy but rather, I find him the one who's unworthy. Odd, I didn't thought that I would have thoughts of him being like that but now I think it fits him the most. In some occasions I tried talking him out of the relationship but every time I start to insert the topic about a possible break up he would always ALWAYS pretend not to find my ideas and my hypothesis logical. He would even say things like, that is not a very good thing to think about especially now, sakura. Or something like, I don't really mind this whole thing at all. Or you're just thinking too much, don't do that anymore. Or the worst I've ever heard from him, you're annoying. Uhh. Now am I the one who's annoying.?!

At first, the thought that maybe he really didn't want to break up crossed my mind and yeah it felt good and warm but I pushed them out of the variety of possibilities I have. He would never ever be the boyfriend type. sasuke uchiha is far for that specified category. Then maybe he really was just too high and mighty to ever be seen courting some girl in konoha or anywhere for that matter. Yep. That's definitely his reason. And I blocked any ideas snooping in my head. I settled for that and actually it really made all the possible explanation something could get out from uchiha sasuke. He was never an easy person to extract emotions from, after all.

--o

My gaze slowly turned southward and I found my self staring at sasuke's gift resting peacefully around my neck, it's a necklace.

A thin silver necklace with a pendant, an outline of a heart that is coated with what seemed like grounded diamonds with a small out line of the uchiha fan hanging inside. I would've felt happy about the gift if I hadn't had the feeling that somehow the necklace had been worn by another girl. And a woman's intuition is something you can count on. I never asked him about it nor did I ever say anything about it being worn by someone else. everyone would think that he's cheating or something and I don't want his 'greatness' to discontinue and if ever that thing could've happened he would be loathed by everyone and will be treated as a garbage by those people who says I'm important and such. And I don't want him to think that I don't really trust him. I do, I just find it hard not to feel that he's playing around.

Everybody thought about it as a very wonderful gift and I can't quite disagree. It looks expensive and it gave out the image that he really is decided that I'm the perfect one and only one who deserves to be his wife. The uchiha fan dangling inside the heart seems to stand out and distribute such thoughts in their minds. Sasuke had done the 'act' professionally, he came in to me and greeted me a happy birthday and pulled out a black box which contains the necklace. He opened it in from of everyone and took it in his hand and made me turn around for him to lock it behind me. Everyone present honestly thought that he's a sweet as fluff boyfriend towards me but I know better than to believe him. Even then in my birthday he never made me feel that he was even sincere in saying I love you or happy birthday everyone believed him beside me and perhaps sai. How did I know? Well sai told me that after the said 'act'. Sai had been known to be blunt and I really don't mind him being like that. It's better than to hear does kind words lying their way to your heart. Truth is better. And I deserve it more than anyone else.

Sai approached me after the commotion. He practically dragged me along and never did he forget to piss sasuke a little. Hey beautiful I wanna have a word with you. He said as he took my hand or was it snatched away from sasuke's'. Sai rarely call me beautiful. Before sasuke's great comeback sai would always call me ugly. He would point it out to me as if it's the most obvious thing in the world and know what? On some weird situation I actually believed him but that time sai acted totally different from what I and everyone had known him for, maybe because he really is annoyed by sasuke and pissing him off makes his day and maybe it's a personal matter involving the both of them. Sasuke glared at him not because he's jealous or anything, he just hates sai being a bastard in front of him well, they show a number of similarities, much like twins. Sakura. Sasuke said with a low and cold voice. He said my name but he was still looking at sai. They seem to be having a glaring battle and I'm the reason why. I hate being in the middle of those two but I somehow end up there most of the time. I sigh. And it felt awkward like how it is when they argue or have such a battle. they seem to find that little hobby quite entertaining but really I don't get sasuke's point on why he lets sai piss him off, I mean I know sai's reason but I really don't want to think about that it makes me feel really sad and bad at the same time but sasuke, I really don't know what's in his mind. Sai seemed to notice that, unlike sasuke hn. Stupid sasuke he ignores me most of the time. Sai tore his eyes away from him and looked at me somehow I found his gaze quite pleading even though he smiled. I turned to sasuke and told him that I'll go and talk to sai for a while. He just shrugged off. I felt really mad but I'd rather not show it to sai, he'll be mad at him and they'll start an awfully long argument.

--o

Everything became troublesome when sai and I talked. Things became really err... how can I say this... heated? Uhm... I don't really wanna recall what happened after that, it bothers me up to this point even though sai had supposedly explained everything but really it made things WORST.

I looked up, this time focusing my eyes on the reflection of the clock resting on my bedside table. It reads 7:45 pm.

'Hmm, it's almost 8 o'clock and he's still not back. Maybe I should just walk around for awhile.'

I glance at my reflection for the last time and headed for my bedroom door. I took my pouch and locked my front door to be greeted by the cold night breeze.

I started to walk to nowhere in particular my heels clanging with the street echoes making the night feel more cold like someone is leaving and never to come back.

'I guess I should start clearing my thoughts. I've been spacing out for quite some time now and it's not really healthy for a medic like me. I'm suppose to be always alert and focused' but somehow I can't find that calm and relaxed feeling anywhere, even in my own room. Maybe because the things that'll happened later on will change half of my life. I just wish that'll he'll show up before my decision changes and my courage runs away and hides itself on the back of my heart. I don't want to have these little flashbacks anymore. I might find something to change my mind that'll just further this hell's pit that I'm going thru.

This will be the last time that'll be a fool for love.

Yep. That's all for this chapter.!! Gomen if it's err... short?! Anyway please tell me what you think! I would appreciate it if you review... please don't send reviews about the grammatical errors!! I know there's a lot but I've warned you already... and don't flame me... I'll just feel discouraged and I might lose all the ideas I have for this one so uhm... there...

Xiao..!!

akatsuki shi


	3. Chapter 3

Waii..!! Gomen for the late update! Its weekend and I finally have the time to type... gomen ne... College is really troublesome but then again I find my Nippon go class very interesting... yay!!

Newei... let us proceed...

I don' own anything so bug off... . 

I walk around feeling the cold night breeze blew pass my raven hair. Today had been a very annoying day for me. A lot of things are happening and I don't really like where things are going to.

Passing around a couple of random stores, it seems like everyone is packing out for the night. Today is almost over and I guess, no one would feel happier than me when the clock ticks at 12.

Sakura.

For the past 6 years of being a member of team seven all I've ever done was to think and think about her. At first, I had thought of her as someone so annoying and a waste of time. She had always been like that. She is half a medic and half a field kunoichi. She was more of the emotional side she puts her friends first in line and often forgets about her own well being. She takes a lot of risks for her friends, loved ones and konoha that some times she ends up in a total mess and that's where naruto and I would enter.

When I first met both of them I thought sakura as the intellectual type and naruto as the idiot. Sakura's short pink hair and naruto's orange jump suit stands out in the crowd and their overly energetic personality annoys me to no end. Naruto was so mad about the fact that I'm joining team seven when there had always been someone who owns the spot in sakura's right side. It was uchiha sasuke. He is one of the last remaining members of the noble uchiha clan but things happened and he ended up betraying the village to gain power to kill his one and only living relative to avenge the lost greatness that was once the clan. His own aniki, uchiha itachi. although I'm very well aware of what was happening back then, I still felt enrage by the fact that that uchiha brat had betrayed konoha and this people feels pity and wants him back in the village of fire. The ones who calls themselves friends of uchiha sasuke. I thought naruto was the only one who wants to drag him back to konoha and for me the whole idea is idiotic much like him but later on I found out that it was that and other things. Apparently, sakura was so in love with him that she would do everything to bring him back even if she was the one who has to knock him out. So basically it's all about the bonds that they share for naruto was in love with sakura because well, she's sakura and he said she's popular, sakura is in love with the uchiha and naruto is uchiha sasuke's rival in both fight and love.? And sasuke to sakura, though naruto would not admit it before he actually protects her in every mission they were handling and a few more things.

I remember the time when sakura had punched me square in the face when I bad mouthed sasuke. she said that she felt sorry because I had to stick with them and about naruto's bad attitude but she doesn't feel the need to apologize for knocking me off because she meant it and I deserve it. it felt really weird for someone so used to winning and not minding other people's feelings to be punched by a mere girl who finds her friends more important than herself and for someone who under estimates herself a lot of times but the weirdest thing of all is that it didn't felt painful because of the impact and the bruise that I then have after being punched but rather her emotions that drove her to hurt me. I can tell it was intense, as if she herself can't contain it inside that it somehow leaks out and lets everyone around her feel what she feels and more than that.

I acted as if it was nothing and all but after I got home I started to have thoughts about feelings, emotions and bonds. I never had those anyway so I really don't have a clue as to how things works here outside the anbu root HQ.

I was brought up as a son of konoha, someone who serves the village with his whole being and therefore dies for the sake of the village he serves. We are called sons of konoha for we only exist for the benefit of the village and nothing else. We don't know anything about the family we came from or the things that someone should know to have even a pinch of knowledge about their life outside the anbu root. We are the puppets of the fire. I'm a member of the anbu root and I don't know anything about myself.

Anbu root members are born inside the HQ. We are nobody for we don't have a name. We are shadows of the village we vowed to serve and we only exist in the darkened corners of konoha. We are never to be allowed to have bonds with others.

But after some time, I was send outside the root for a special mission regarding orochimaru and I was assigned to join a 4 man team leaded by hatake kakashi, the copy ninja. That was when I officially gained a name.

Sai.

At first, everyone thought I'm uchiha's twin brother or something. They say we look awfully alike but really I don't think we have any similarities at all. It just so happened that we both have onyx eyes and jet black hair but nothing else makes me anywhere like him.

We are two different people seeking for different things. Wanting different things. The funny part of all of this is that... we ended up fighting over something we never thought existing as what we both want in a single package.

And it's none other than her, sakura.

Somehow I don't quite remember when I started to think of her as someone better than the sakura I meet every morning for training. I thought she would just like be the other acquaintances I had in the past, perhaps like naruto. A person never meant to have any changes. She as I put it, is a constant. But then again, maybe the changes that affects me now is not actually hers, but mine.

--o

It was a Sunday morning, it was a free day for team 7 and therefore I won't be meeting the 'fools' for training. It was supposed to be something like the day before and the days that I had when I'm free from sakura and naruto but I guess, I was destined to realize something for myself that day. Something other than the things I know and accept from everyone, something I find hard to acknowledge.

I was doing my daily routine, to train and train and yep, train. I started heading to my usual training spot when I saw one of the colors I learned to love and hate at the same time.

--o

Pink.

Cherry blossoms are everywhere and it flooded my visions. Pink dancing with the wind and joining the green leaves floating away and towards the center of the open field. Pink means cherry blossom and cherry blossom means sakura.

A couple of weeks ago, sakura was sent to a mission to retrieve a medical scroll. It has been almost a month now but she still isn't back. Of course naruto became really furious when he found out 3 days ago because he was out on his own mission with yamato sensei. He barged into my house yelling at me for he thought that I let sakura go in an A class mission alone. the idiot. Of course I didn't let her. Though I don't admit it aloud, I know she is someone important to me. She's friend, a very good friend at that. I asked the hokage to place me on the same team but she declined saying I was needed in another mission. Unlike naruto I respect the hokage's decision and therefore I accepted what she said. Before sakura's departure I had talked to her about alertness and responsibilities. That's my way of saying take care of yourself ok? I know it's a little out of the idea but I can't bring my self to be like naruto because every time she looks at me I find it hard not to notice that somehow she wants to hear sasuke say it more than me. I learned to accept the fact that I'm uchiha's replacement and that sakura and naruto would always seek for his presence. I know that and I understand her but sometimes I just want for her to see that I'm sai and not sasuke, that I exist beyond his shadows and that I'm someone who'll stay and won't leave her like what he did.

I know it sounds really different from how I always act in front of her. Things would just be a little messy if I act all caring and such. From this past year with them I found my self accepting them, especially her. She talks about friends and families, beautiful and pleasant things but whenever I ask her about the past with uchiha she would turn lonely and pitiful. She would lose the energetic and lively aura and she'll sit and reminisce about him. She would smile that sad smile and I would find myself feeling guilty because she's yet again feeling miserable. It had been a routine for the both of us. She would sit beside me and will start telling me about her day. She would smile and laugh and she would nag me to speak and would ask me to smile like how she does, not my supposedly 'smile' that I made up for everyone. She's the only one who knows the difference of both, the real one and the fake one. She hates it when I fake my smile; she punches me if I do.

From the time I started having does moments with her, I also started to feel something other than what I'm supposed to. She is a constant and before I knew it she became a constant in everything I do. Always there, smiling and laughing. It's hard even for someone like me not to notice her. She is a constant like the cherry blossoms, like those trees surrounding me now. She's always present and now I can't find myself anywhere without her. She became a part of my routine that I would love to have for the rest of my life. In the furthest corner of my heart I know she's more than what she thinks she is. She is sakura and I know I'm falling for her and I'm not doing anything to break my fall. I'm enjoying it. And now that I unconsciously reminisce about her I can't help but put that real smile she likes to see in my face. I like to smile my real smile for her. But she must not know anything for she might feel awkward and it might confuse her and I don't want her to feel that way. I'll stay as a friend, for now. Until she completely moves on and forgets uchiha. I'll wait.

'Sakura'

'Yes?'

I look up and sure enough I saw her smiling at me.

'Sai? What is it? You said my name didn't you?'

She jumped down from the tree she was standing on and landed right beside me. She smirked like how she used to when she teases me.

'hn. I just thought that you might be in trouble right at this very moment... ugly'

Her face turned from smirking to pouting. Cute.

'Mou... you shouldn't worry too much! I can take care of myself you know.'

'Can you now?'

I walk towards the center of the field ready to start my training.

She walks towards the log close enough for her to see me train. She sat her self comfortably there.

A soft chuckle.

'I thought by now you would be freaking' out because it's almost a month now.'

'Why would I?'

'hmp.! At least now I know you don't care about me. Uh! I hate you sai.!'

I look back at her. She looked back at me.

'Don't. I do care. I'm almost at the verge of following you.'

She smiled and blushed.

'Ugly.'

'Yeah yeah I miss yah too..!!'

--o

I look up and realized that I'm on the bridge where team seven always met up for training.

Long pink locks dance gracefully with the cold night wind.

'Sakura?'

w0ot!! sai's brain is a nice place to execute my evil plans!! Wakoko!! I love working inside his thoughts he's a fun specimen LOLZ!! Guess what! I will make another chapter about sai. Nyahahah a couple of POVs, flashbacks and such. Hey, I'm just interested about your point of view 'bout a couple of things.

I'm not sure if this will be a sasusaku or a saisaku. What do you think?

Please do tell me ok?

Xiao!

akatsuki shi


	4. Chapter 4

Yo..!! I'm back!! Uhm... well 'bout the couple for this story... I still haven't decided!! Nyahaha XD I want it to be a surprise for everyone... but I think I myself will be surprise... I'm writing this without any idea about the out come of everything... just writing... no solid plans... ;; and yes 'bout what I said about another 'sai' chapter... here it is. But this wouldn't be a pure sai POV thing... there would be a couple of third person view and sakura POV... also! Sai and sakura's POV will just insert randomly so yeah... ;; oh and flashbacks also... amf... I hope you wouldn't be too confuse about what they're talking about and etc etc. it's hard for me to do a scene with sai and sakura revelation thing, heart-to-heart talk and such so yeah... . I'm blabbing gomen...

Newei... insert chapter!

'Sakura?'

I look back as I heard my name being called.

There is sai just a couple of steps away from me. He must be it.

'Sai.'

She turned towards me and smiled but it faded away as fast as it came. She slowly turned her head and looked back at what she was looking at before I called her. She is looking intently at the night sky.

I look at her. She's wearing a plain white dress that goes just below her knees. Few of her long pink locks are tied loosely with a white ribbon and the rest of her locks were kept down. white high heels adores her feet and a white shoal that she carries in her arms and lastly a white pouch that is left forgotten beside her hands in the rail of the bridge. She looks... beautiful.

I walk towards her right side and leaned on the rail close beside her. Close enough for her to know I'm there but far enough for everyone to know that we are just friends, including myself. I want to remind myself that I cannot come any closer, that this space is the closest I can be to her. there is no way I would ever break that silent promise I gave to her the night she called me and said she accepted him back.

'Hey'

I heard her say but she still kept her gaze at the endless night sky that is dotted with stars.

'Hn?'

'Why are you out so late?'

'Heh. Don't ask me that question when I should be the one asking you that. Even ugly girls like you can be harassed you know.'

She looked down and stares at the reflection of the moon in the water.

'Well... you shouldn't be asking 'bout it because after all... you know why I'm here.'

'Ahh. I guess he still isn't back.'

A soft chuckle came from her. And half hearted sigh.

'Yeah...'

I felt his eyes left me and he turned his head to the side to have a glimpse of the moon's reflection.

Silence.

This is what always comes after he talks about him. Even for a couple of words to describe or identify him. Silence would always come next.

I know sai isn't fond of sasuke and same thing goes with him. There's something about this two that wouldn't be compatible even if how much we try to put and pull them together. There are just those things that kept them cold with each other and maybe there's no way for us to keep them together without violence. That is a fact and will always stay as a fact for they will always feel that way for each other. Almost everyone doesn't have a slightest idea why they loathe each other but I can't really say that I'm like them. Though not entirely, I know it has something to do about me and well... the 'relationship'.

Both have different bonds that are connected to me. Both have things that kept them close to my heart but I think it is also because of these things that caused both to have that hatred inside of them. They are two important people, important for me. Both are precious and both cannot replace the other's place and somehow now that things had been a total mess in my world, they also share that mess I'm into right now. I don't want them to be dragged into my own personal problems but I guess, they unconsciously put their names into it.

'Hey ugly.'

I heard him say. Maybe the silence doesn't make him feel anywhere comfortable. Good. Coz I can't stay in silence when I'm with sai. I cannot. No one can, especially when you have all this things running into your mind. Things that makes everything difficult. Hidden truth that is not really hidden, only shadowed but still there.

'Are you sure about what you're going to do?'

I closed my eyes.

Am I... sure?

Sigh.

--o

I closed my door. Finally, that walk felt like a thousand year. I guess I wasn't really thinking. I'm such an idiot some times. This is pointless. Now that I can think clearly again, there's no reason for me not to break my words to him. I mean c'mon! Living with each other just because of responsibility and the fact that I'll be tied to him for the rest of my life is insane! I-I mean... t-this is after all a... err... free coun-try..? Hekhek... what the hell am I talking about..?!

Sigh.

I need water. NOW.

I walk towards the light switch and proceeded to my kitchen. Water, yes water will help me. A nice cold water to wake me up. Riiightt...

I reached out and opened my fridge. there is water and... sake. lots and lots of sake. Why do I have sake in my fridge again..? Oh right. Shizune san took tsunade shishou's supply of sake and put it in here. Yeah... sake. My eyes traveled down and traced the outline of one of the sake bottles. Uhm... sake is good... and warm. I reached out almost touching the bottle.

No. sake is not good for me.

Yep. Sake is bad. BAD.

I took the water and shut my fridge. I might get tempted into drinking and I can't risk my sanity especially now that I have all this things going on. Water is fine. hn. Water is good.

I took a seat and placed the bottle of water in front of me. Water, clean and clear. Pure.

Do you

Haruno sakura

Accept uchiha sasuke

As you're lawfully wedded husband

I...

Are you sure?

w-wha..??

If you are then you should be ready for everything that'll come

h-hey...

Wedding is something that means forever sakura

Forever?

Yes forever

It is not something you do and if you feel tired you walk away and leave just like that

I-I know!

Then you must be very well aware of what will be the result of your decision

I-I think so...

Then I guess you are decided...

Huh..?? W-wait!

By the power invested on me

No!! Father!!

I now pronounce you

Wait father just!!

Husband

J-just wait!

And

Oh no...

'Wife'

Wife. The word kept ringing in my ear. Haruno sakura WIFE of uchiha sasuke.

Why sakura? Why do you have to be so... UHH!!!

I don't know what to do anymore!

My heart started to beat fast and ache like hell. Why? Why am I feeling like this...?

Is this happiness or regret?

Sasuke?

Mrs. Uchiha sasuke

My eyes started to fill with tears ready to fall.

Uchiha sakura

I didn't realize I was holding my tears for this long.

Why do I feel so messed up..?

Confuse...

Confuse

I'm confused...

I unconsciously reached out for my fridge and took a bottle of sake.

I slowly drank the content of the bottle

Bitter but sake feels right this time

Tears mixed with sake taste odd but good nonetheless

A family...

Uchiha family

My new family

Would be an uchiha family

Sigh

Sniff

Sakura

Sniff

Sniff

'What do I do now?'

By this time I guess I've drank almost a case of sake.

Sniff

Sniff

Can you help me?

Sniff

'What...'

I leaned on the wall. Something fell on my head and landed in my lap.

Ouch.

Phone.

Call.

Friend.

Why would I have to do that?

I push the redial button.

Ringing.

A yawn.

'Hey why'd you call so late?'

Sniff

Sniff

I guess the offer doesn't stand anymore.

Wail

'What do I do now?'

Hiccup

'Ugly?'

'Tell me'

Hiccup

'Oi sakura'

'I'm...'

'Are you ok? Where are you?'

Drink

Sniff

It still does.

Sniff

'H-home'

'Hey what's wrong with you?'

Sniff

A nod.

Sniff

Chuckle

'I-I said... y-yes...'

'What are you talking about?'

I'll walk you home.

'G-guess what! I-I'm uchiha s-sasuke's n-new girl-f-friend...'

'What?'

'I d-don't know...'

'What do to anymore...'

'What do I do now... sai?'

Silence.

'I'm coming over wait there and stop drinking!'

Dead line.

Wild knock.

Footsteps.

Shadow

Walking for the first time in almost 7 years... by his side.

A hand on my shoulder.

Sasuke.

A hug for me.

'Sakura'

'Tell me sai... what do I do...'

--o

I chuckle.

'I've never been this sure... sai.'

Yeah!! Chapter 4 is done..!! KabOom!! Sorry if it's a little crappy... I don't really understand what happened... jowkz... if this chapter only added to your confusion I'm sorry... i promise things will be cleared just continue reading ok..??

Oh yeah before I forget the next chapter is just a continuation of "the talk" saisaku mode ok? And a lot more... so then see yah!!

Xiao!

akatsuki shi


	5. Chapter 5

yO! - I'm back back BACK!! nyahahah..!! Sorry it took so long for me to update... college is taking a lot of my time... hmp.! My management class is really troublesome and my prof is very very UHH!! Yah know what? He SMOKES inside the classroom!! WTF?! And another thing swimming class was fun fun fun... nyahahah... newei... let's talk about this chapter...

uhm... just as I said before this is yet another saisaku 'moment' much like the previous one. Another thing, I want to ask a couple of things and I really want to hear your answers... pls if you have time... please do ans the Qs... it's really important for me to know what you think because to tell you all frankly... I'm kinda feeling that my ideas for this story is slipping out... I just need to know what's wrong... if ever there are things you think that'll help me boost my spirits up... Please do tell me... domo arigato gozaimasu!!

Who's paired up with sakura?

a.saisaku

b.sasusaku

c.another char x saku

d.no pairing

Character death?

a.yes

b.no

c.up to the author

What do you think about the uploaded chapters (including this)?

-too long

-too short

-very confusing

-not making any sense at all

-too predictable

-weird scene cut offs

-too many flashbacks

Are the characters too OOC?

-sai is.

-sasuke is.

-sakura is.

-everyone!!

-stop messing the characters IDIOT! (--;;)

Do you think your wasting your time on this worthless story? Why?

-no

-yes

It is better if I stop and forget about writing fics?

-no

-yes

-try it again maybe this time you can make a good one

And lastly,

Am I really a lousy writer?! (Violent reactions are accepted)

-definitely

-absolutely

-YEP!

-no don't say that

There..!! That's all for those people who'll answer the Qs ThaNK YOU!!

Oh yeah! Pls don't tell me that the spellings are all wrong... I know that already. I'm sorry if I'm such a lazy bum but I really prefer using notepad... sorry again... ok?

On with the chapter.!

--o

'I've never been this sure... sai.'

Silence.

Sigh.

'Sak--'

'Sai... you don't need to worry about me'

'Bu--'

'Don't sai... I'll be okay... I promise'

Sigh.

'Really?'

'uhu... really'

--o

I clenched my fist. How can I not worry about her when all this time that's the only thing I've been doing? She would always act cool and calm unlike before. She would always try and hide her tears unlike before. She would always pretend that everything's alright and that nothing's wrong but every time she stops and takes a seat she would always end up calling me in the middle of the night drunken and crying for god knows how long. Sasuke is an idiot for making her feel that way. He keeps on stepping on her feelings like it's some kind of a joke. While I try my hardest just to make her see me and love me he on the other hand keeps on breaking everything that I've been trying so hard to mend.

'This is his entire fault.'

I heard him whisper. I know he's been thinking about him being the cause of all the pain and I know I can't force sai to change his mind about it. There's this things that we can never change and sai's feelings is one of them.

Sigh.

'If he wasn't an asshole you wouldn't be in this sick situation right now'

'Sai...'

'I know sasuke is one of the costs of everything but it's not only him... but me and everybody else'

'Me being myself... lifting my hopes though I know it from the very start that there is no way he would love me'

'Itachi. By killing his whole clan'

'For naruto being as strong as he is'

'And orochimaru, for being the insane member of the legendary three'

She chuckled.

'And because of the fact that... it hurts'

It hurts. I remember the first time I've heard her say those words. It hurts. Two words that can make her cry a river. Just those two freaking' words from her can make me lose my self control and kick the shit out that uchiha.

--o

We are currently on the training grounds. Something feels so wrong today. 'I wonder'

Naruto is not being an idiot, sakura is too happy and kakashi sensei is not reading his perverted book but instead looking up in the sky while sighing.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

'Poof!'

Yamato sensei landed firmly on the ground in the middle of the field.

'Hey guys sorry for being late'

'Hn.'

'No prob.'

Said sakura and naruto. 'That's weird. Normally they're the ones who gets all burning in rage when someone esp. kakashi is late'

Sigh.

I looked up and saw sakura standing and warming up.

'Well then let's start... okay guys..? I have plenty of things to do today so we really need to finish our mission early.'

She said while beaming at me like some idiot.

'What.'

'Huh? Oh nothing.'

She said. She pats naruto on the shoulder and told him to follow her.

Everything seems so weird. What the fuck is wrong with this people?

I looked at yamato sensei and he shook his head slowly. Yep. Just like me. Clueless.

The mission went ok. Naruto wasn't being too noisy today so we really did finish the mission early.

The sun began to set. Shades of red and orange flooded the sky mixing up making everything look as though loneliness is surrounding us. The leaves sway slowly and dance with the wind adding to the sad feeling. Three long shadows are cast in the emptying streets two of which are joining the unusual sad environment.

Nostalgic.

I look at naruto to sakura. They seem to be very silent after the mission. Hn. whatever. Our walk was a silent one. No one spoke or attempted to be their 'usual'. The intersection slowly became visible. The first one leading to naruto's house and the second one both to mine and sakura's. Sakura would most likely run towards naruto's direction and would most likely go to the hospital for her daily shift. Soon enough I will be back home where everything are pretty much what they are, not like this two. But I guess, something really is different today.

Naruto walk briskly towards the first road. He said a simple jaa and went straight home. Sakura on the other hand didn't follow naruto to do her daily shift. She whispered an ikimasu and walk towards the road leading to her house.

The walk was yet again a silent one. She would constantly look at the sky and sigh. She would smile but will drop it the moment it lingered in her face. She would repeat the same routine over and over.

'Oi'

I said to her. She's acting really weird today and it annoys me. It annoys me because of the fact that I don't know what the hell is wrong and no one, not a single one is trying to explain what's happening.

She looked at me. Her green eyes staring directly towards my mid-night orbs. It was the first time this day that she looked at me straight in the eyes and I just found quite a lot of emotion in them. Sadness, loneliness, misery. And tears threatening to fall. She looked like she had been keeping her self from breaking down and crying.

She stared at me but somehow I find it hard not to notice that she is thinking about something else. Even if her eyes stayed on me it carries the emptiness that she feels inside.

'What's wrong?'

I said yet again to wake her up in her daydream.

She smiled and looked at me intently. She emitted a soft chuckle and a sad smile was cast of her face.

'Don't look at me like that.'

'It hurts'

Confused. What the hell is she talking about anyway...?

I asked her what the hell was wrong with looking at her. She looked down and bit her lips.

'You... really look a lot like him.'

Him. She was talking about? hm... The uchiha...?

'Oi ugly. Stop thinking about the past. It's annoying'

I said. Why does everybody think I look like him? I don't, really. I remember sakura telling that I don't look anywhere close to that brat but why change her mind about things? It was pretty much ok when she said we are totally different from each other but why is she saying that I look like him now?

'I thought you said I'm no where near sasuke-kun?'

'You look like him. Same raven hair, same attitude, same eyes... but different in what they possess'

What?

She laughs. Not the laugh of a happy person but a force one.

'The first time I saw you and had the chance to look into your eyes I only saw... nothing. But whenever I look at sasuke's eyes I always see the loneliness and the misery in them.'

'Is that a compliment or a criticism?'

Hn.

Silence.

'It hurts.'

Again?

'Can you just tell me what's happening? The three of you had been acting weird all day! What the hell is the problem anyway?'

She suddenly stops walking. I looked back and saw that her head was down and she's biting her lips close to bleeding.

'Today is the same date when sasuke left'

Oh. So that's it. I remember naruto said something happened between sakura and sasuke before he officially left konoha. She never told anyone exactly what happened all that she said was that sasuke said his goodbye and knocked her out. No one really knows what they've talked about other than that.

She smiled as her tears silently fell.

--o

I never thought that someone can actually have that much effect towards other people but now I know it's really true. While sakura can waste all her life for uchiha sasuke, I for one can no doubt risk my self just to see her safe and unharmed.

How ironic. Everything is just a cycle, much like how things were even before I entered the picture. Naruto likes sakura, sakura likes sasuke, sasuke hates his brother, itachi wants the kyuubi and now I got tangled up in this web also. Sai... likes sakura A LOT.

Sigh.

I looked at sai's direction. He looked at me and stepped forward. Entering the invisible barrier between us, between being friends and more. It had always been there silently reminding both of us that we can never come any closer than that. That we are friends and must act like it. We had that silent agreement the time when I told sai about me and sasuke.

--o

'Is that so?'

I nodded.

Sai and I had been seating in my living room for at least 3 hours now. I had told him about what happened earlier. I leaned on the sofa; the sake is taking its toll on me. He looked at me with that emotionless face of his. Though he kept his face neutral I can see right thru his mask. His eyes are burning with... I don't know... anger?

He nodded and stood up.

'Do you want some coffee?'

He said but didn't wait for me to reply. He proceeded to my kitchen and came out a couple of minutes after carrying two mugs of hot coffee. He gave me one of the mugs and told me that it's still hot. I whispered a small 'thanks' and blow my coffee.

No one spoke up for a couple of minutes the only sound that was present was the occasional drinking of the coffee.

'Hm… thanks a lot sai'

He looked up at me with a questioning look.

'What for?'

'For… listening.'

I said as my hands played with the mug in my hand.

'Hn. So…'

I looked up and saw that his face became more serious.

'What's your plan?'

Sigh.

'Nothing.'

He arc an eyebrow. 'You serious?'

I nodded.

There was another silent moment. I never knew what do to when it comes to him. Books, missions, patients; they are a piece of cake but when it comes to sasuke, I'm just a little girl who doesn't know what to do. I just… cry.

Sai looks like he doesn't give a damn about what he had just heard. He stirred his coffee and focused on keeping his emotionless face but his eyes… they're burning. I really don't know why, but I just suddenly felt that sai somehow feels uncomfortable with sasuke and same goes with him. It was something new. They've never met other than the time when we first tried on bringing sasuke back and the mission for his retrieval that was a success. There were no exchanged of words between the two. When sasuke came back after naruto gave him the freedom of choice, never did sai try to talk with sasuke. I really don't get guys some times.

As I was getting lost on my thoughts I didn't noticed that sai was actually looking back at me.

'Sakura'

Did he just call me by my first name? Weird.

'Yeah…?'

'I-if… you're tired of playing his game… you are free to stop.'

His gaze was intense, it's like his eyes are telling me to stop, asking me to stop.

Free to stop… I'm free to stop.

I smiled. Yes, I'm free to stop. I wish I could.

This baka. He's such a pretender some times. The idiot is worried. He should've drop the statement and just tell me.

'Hey sai…'

'Hn?'

I stood up, put the mug in the table in front of me and walk towards him. I hugged him.

'What for?'

He said and I smiled again. He is always like this, very stern.

'Can you… stay as my friend…? Can we stay as friends?'

Did he just tense up? Why?

I was at the verged of withdrawing and checking if he was ok when he… pulled me and hugged me back.

'S-sai…?'

He was silent. I didn't quite get why he suddenly froze but I didn't have the chance to question him about that anymore as he started to talk.

'We will.'

--o

ever since then, the closest we ever got is when we seat beside each other or when he drags me away from sasuke but that promise was broken once and now I think it'll be ignored once again.

I stepped forward. Hell, I'm losing her more to that uchiha. Why of all people… why does she have to love him? There are other people…

I reach out…

There are other people… so many people…

Pulling her closer.

That deserves her… more than he does…

Closer…

I deserve her…

And closer.

More than sasuke does…

And I felt her close to me again.

And I broke my promise again.

But never mind that.

I miss this closeness.

I miss her more than he does.

I need her more than he does.

I love her more than anything and everything.

'You deserve the best… and I want to be it'

--o

Ok!!! Gosh… it took me 1 week to finish this chapter. Oo;; other than the fact that I had to buy a new keyboard because the letter 'a' of the previous one is like not working! So far, this is the hardest chapter to write. Man, I really don't know how to express their feelings properly… gomen! Well my feelings are hard enough to express and now theirs are joining in…? WTH?! Newei I'm really sorry if I failed to express their emotions to the highest level… it's really hard… esp. for me… who isn't really fond of expressing her emotional side. --;;

Newei… hope this chapter filled up a couple of gaps in the story. Hope you still read the next chapter.

Thanks for reading and see yah!!

Xiao!!

akatsuki shi


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